How To Not Give A Fuck
Spending your days seeking the approval of others is a sure-fire waste of time and destroyer of happiness.
Seeking approval and caring what others think comes in many different forms, from wrecking your finances to get your hands on a luxury car to portray a ‘successful’ image to chasing girls and fishing for compliments.
We’re hardwired to want to conform and be liked.
But this comes at a cost.
You’ll never actually be happy if you base your happiness on the thoughts, opinions and comments of others.
You’ll waste your precious time while trying to do so.
It’s time to care less and get more done.
Below you’ll find my 7 step process to learn how to not give a fuck.
Step 1 – Understand Happiness Comes From Within
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts” – Marcus Aurelius
If you think you’re unhappy you’ll be unhappy.
If the ball is in your hands with seconds remaining in the game and you think and see yourself missing the shot… then you will miss the shot.
You cannot dismiss your thoughts, as they’re the #1 tool (and the only tool!) you’ve got complete control over.
The ancient Stoics weren’t the only ones that understood and followed this approach to happiness, look at top tier athletes like Conor McGregor – his rise from nothing to everything was not far more than his ability to fight and market himself well.
“All that matters is how you see yourself. If you see yourself as the king, with all the belts and everything, and no matter what no one else says, as long as you see that, and really believe in it, then that’s what’s going to happen” – Conor McGregor
Step 2 – Realize That Fitting In Leads To A Life Of Mediocrity
The majority of individuals know deep down what they want, but what they want is often quite different to what society wants for them, so they suppress it.
Fitting is is working an office job you hate from 9 ’till 5 Monday through Friday.
Fitting in is spending your evenings watching Netflix or talking shit with your friends.
Fitting in is consumerism, resulting in a hefty amount of personal debt for depreciating possessions.
It’s often the case of either living a life of mediocrity and receiving all the validation from your family and peers while you pursue the beaten path above, or you make the decision that chasing what YOU want for YOURSELF is far more worthy and liberating.
Step 3 – Figure Out Where YOU Want To Be
Forget what other people want for you, what society wants for you and the image you wish to portray to others.
Think about what you actually want.
Do you want to live in the United States? Indonesia? Vietnam?
What skills do you want to attain mastery in?
Do you want to build functional strength? Compete in a men’s physique competition?
Step 4 – Work Backwards Like A Screenwriter
Once you’ve decided upon what you want it’s time to begin backtracking.
What are the steps necessary to get X from where you are now? Well, first of all you must achieve S, T and V before you can obtain X.
How do you obtain S, T and V?
Backtrack to the smallest point, to the action you can take TODAY that’ll lead you on the path to ultimately obtaining X.
This is the research phase, if you skip this you’ll very likely be expending effort and heading in the wrong direction.
We must work smart before we work hard.
Step 5 – Implement Habits Aligned To Your End State Goals
Habits Are The Key To Success
Habits can quite literally make or break a man. As cliché as it sounds the person you are when you look in the mirror today is a result of all the actions you’ve taken and the decisions you’ve made. A habit is initially a decision which over time becomes a repetitive action you perform virtually on autopilot – just like brushing your teeth in the morning.
Habits in your life have brought you to where you are today
Are you happy with where your habits have gotten you?
If not It’s time to change my friend
Habits can get you to where you want to be, regardless of where that is
If you look in the mirror atop your three story mansion and see a shredded, muscular physique I can guarantee you that at a stage early on in life you implemented successful habits designed to achieve your goals.
On the other hand if you gaze into the mirror located in the dingy corner of your run down caravan home to uncover an unhealthy, out of shape and poorly dressed physique it’s safe to say you’ve lived like an epicurean, focusing on the ‘moment’ (or what was the moment, which you’re now paying for later in life) rather than becoming an ancient stoic investor and sacrificing today for tomorrow’s betterment.
Identify habits that align with where you want to be and add these into your daily routine. Want to take out first place in your town’s Spartan Race Beast? You better get up early and run each morning.
Step 6 – Before Each Action Ask Yourself…
Does this action seek progress or attention?
There’s no need to beat yourself up as a result of a temporary lapse (however you may like to implement a pattern interrupt).
If the action seeks attention stop yourself. If the action is in the means of progress then continue on your path.
As Seneca said… “There are those whose wish is to be noticed rather than to make moral progress, don’t be like them, altering your dress or way of life to attract attention.”
Step 7 – Continue Following Your Path
Momentum is lost due to inactivity, when you stand still you’re not moving forward with that momentum!
You must show up and put in the work every single day.
‘showing up’ is subjective to your goal. This may mean getting on the treadmill and hitting that 5km run every single day, or it may mean sitting down to write that 1,000 word article every single day.
Whatever it is, just remember that you don’t get better at something by not doing it and you sure as hell don’t build or even maintain momentum with periods of inactivity.
When you know what YOU want for YOURSELF and you’ve got a plan of attack to get there you’ll soon forget about seeking validation or conformation from others.
The artist, the poet, the athlete… they give it their all and leave it all there – they don’t seek the outside opinion or validation.