The 5 Love Languages
Having heard many great things about Gary Chapman’s ‘Love Languages‘ from friends, bloggers and podcasts I finally decided it was time to give this gem of a book a read.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re single, married or otherwise, the understanding on others you’ll grasp from Chapman’s book in the 5 Love Languages summary is not only going to be a great tool in your arsenal for personal relationships, but the deeper understanding of different individuals needs can transfer across into a business sense too.
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages in existence, different people feel loved in different ways – thus being their primary ‘love language’.
If you’re showing love in a language that doesn’t correspond with your partner or audiences love language, this won’t fill their ‘love tank’.
Not only is it key to know your partner or audiences love language but it’s pivotal you know your own too!
If your primary love language is speech (aka. words of affirmation) and people are constantly giving you gifts although they’re expressing their love you’re probably not absorbing it into your proverbial love tank, why? that ‘love language’ just doesn’t correlate with who you are.
The 5 Love Languages Summary
Let’s delve in and take a look at the 5 love languages defined by Gary Chapman.
Love Language #1 – Words of Affirmation
Verbal compliments > Nagging words
Some people respond best to verbal compliments, be it how good they’re looking or how capable they are at performing a certain task.
Through training and mentoring in both online business and the gym I’ve found that words of affirmation can often push an individual beyond their self-doubt and actually get on track to achieve the goal they want without letter their own negative self-talk takeover.
Love Language #2 – Quality Time
Giving your focused attention
You can give an individual as many compliments and words of affirmation as you like, but if their primary love language is quality time they’re going to have an empty love tank without a doubt.
The love language of quality time is just that, spending focused time with the individual.
The key word here being focused. This means time free of NetFlix, phones and any other distraction.
Love Language #3 – Receiving Gifts
Visual symbols of love
When we’re talking about receiving gifts we’re not talking about blowing your budget.
From notes to books, chocolates, flowers, gym clothes… there’s a percentage of people that you can compliment and spend as much focused time as you like with but unless you give them the occasional gift, be it big or small they will not feel particularly loved.
Love Language #4 – Acts of Service
Doing things they’d like that require your energy, time, planning & effort
Some individuals with the primary love language of acts of service won’t feel loved by receiving a purchased gift or the occasional compliment… in order for them to feel loved they need you to do things for them.
Things that require your energy, time, planning & effort.
This could be as simple as making coffee in the morning, making a dinner reservation for the evening or by proof-reading an assignment.
Acts of service is without a doubt my #1 love language.
Love Language #5 – Physical Touch
The most powerful of the five senses
Touch is the most powerful of the five senses (sight, smell, touch, taste, hear) as it is the only sense not localized to one area of the body.
A pat on the bag, a hug, holding hands & the like are going to be the key tool in your arsenal if your partners primary love language is physical touch.
What’s Your Primary Love Language?
On Gary Chapman’s website you’ll find a free quiz to find your own primary love language, here.
Here are my results:
1) Acts of Service
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Physical Touch
5) Receiving Gifts
The 5 Love Languages Quotes
“I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.”
“Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.”
“For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships.
Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.”