Confidence Is Key
In this world you can do anything you want, the biggest barriers are not physical but are instead mental.
Are you doubting yourself when it comes to whether you can achieve your goals?
Your mindset and your limiting beliefs can paralyse you if you let them – I’ve been there, the good news is confidence isn’t something you were either born with or you weren’t – it can indeed be developed at any stage in life.
I used to have next to no confidence when it came to talking to strangers, my ability to complete a task (regardless of what it was) without fear of messing it up and also any thought that crossed my mind about meeting or communicating with women was quickly shot down. I told myself I wasn’t cut out for that type of thing.
If you have unconventional dreams or goals you NEED to be confident. An individual with no confidence will never achieve anything of merit as they’re a sheep – they refuse to go against the grain and opt for the safety of blending in with the other sheep of society as opposed to putting themselves out there and chasing their goals relentlessly.
Want to be an entrepreneur? There’s no certainty and nothing is guaranteed. You need to truly be confident in yourself, your vision and your ability if you want to make it – you have to follow your gut.
“You can’t have confirmation, confirmation is for the 9 – 5ers, it’s not for the rebels or the highly successful” – Victor Pride of Bold&Determined.com
The quote below is the truest thing I’ve read when it comes to confidence, speaking from my own experience.
“Competence Builds Confidence…”
If you want to become confident you need to help and develop yourself.
Going on a 2 day boot camp costing thousands upon thousands of dollars is NOT the way to change your life and develop unbreakable confidence, there is no quick fix to a problem that I assume has plagued you and left you near paralysed in certain situations for the majority of your life.
Get started building up your confidence with the following actionable tips:
Identify Your Strengths, Work On Your Weaknesses
Start by taking a step back and doing an inventory of where you’re at.
What are you good at – in what areas of your life are you excelling? Perhaps it’s public speaking, maybe you’ve already applied my advice and achieved a noteworthy physique.
When you’re involved with or are performing the things you are good at you feel a sense of confidence, correct? This is because you’ve applied repetition, repetition, repetition to this area of your life and have attained a sense of mastery.
I know guys that are 100% confident in the gym, they’ll make eye contact with everyone, talk to other gym goers (and girls in the gym) and just exert overall dominance.
As soon as their workout is complete and they step outside the confines of their sanctuary, the gym walls and their confidence is shot back down to next to nothing.
If they adopted they had the same mindset they had in the gym in other situations confidence would not be a problem. Exposure and repetition are key here.
Adopt Confident Mannerisms
This is inline with the whole ‘fake it till you make it’ mentality, as I believe it works.
Your physiology i.e. the way you stand, your posture when you’re seated etc. has a big affect on how you feel.
If you’re standing tall, taking up space and keeping your head held high you’ll feel a lot more important and confidence than if you were to sit slouched over in a chair, taking up as little room as possible while staring at the floor.
Adopting this ‘alpha male’ posture has also been proven to increase Testosterone levels temporarily.
I highly recommend checking out Mike’s posts on Alpha Male Body Language over at Danger&Play.
Throw Yourself Straight Into The Deep End
Sign yourself up for an event or lock yourself into doing something you’re scared of.
Do you have the option to pre-pay? even better, the harder it is to get out of the more inclined you are to do it. When you commit to something and actually follow through with it (you’ll be a part of the rare 10% of society that does what they say) you’ll soon see that your fears were irrational and your confidence will begin to grow.
Don’t read about it or talk about it, just do it.
Exposure therapy is the #1 method to overcome fears and build confidence, period.
Have A Small Win
Smash out your to-do list and build momentum.
Take pride in your appearance.
Perform heavy compound exercises along with bodyweight exercises such as the push-up, pull-up and bodyweight squat. Do a little bit of cardio but not too much.
Watch your body begin to transform from a soft clay into a plate of solid steel.
As you begin to build muscle and burn fat people will notice, they’ll compliment you and ask you how you did it, they’ll notice that you take pride in yourself.
When you look good you’ll feel good and your confidence will rise.
You’re only given one body so treat it like a temple and it will pay you many, many dividends.
Present Yourself Well
This ties in with the above point.
Dress well – in no way am I telling you that you need to spend excessive amounts of money on designer labels and expensive items of clothing.
All you need is a few outfits that fit well.
Acquire colours that suit your skin complexion/hair colour and avoid obnoxiously branded items and clothing that’s way too lose.
Pay attention to detail and figure out what look/style works best for you.
Now, I’m no fashion aficionado so I recommend you check out my friend Manny’s website WellBuiltStyle.com for educated recommendations and tips.
Be sure to look after your skin too.
Ask Yourself, What’s The Absolute Worst Case Scenario
This is an old stoic technique that I constantly utilize.
When you’re lacking the confidence and drive to achieve a task or goal you need to perform the 3 column test which I delve into in the article Define your fears, not your goals.
Enter The Positive Feedback Loop And Conquer Any Obstacle!
The first step is always the hardest.
Once you gain a hint of confidence it will continue to grow and grow as you’ll be entering a positive feedback loop.
People often dismiss this as luck, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about – for example those days where everything seems to go right, maybe you see a girl you find attractive while you’re out in public and after running through your head the details of the worst case scenario (e.g. her simply ignoring you or advising she isn’t interested) you go in to charm her with some small talk, all goes well and a moment later you have her phone number.
At this point in time you’d feel unstoppable, next time you see a girl in a similar scenario you’ll find it far easier to go in for the approach again as instead of doubting yourself and lacking the confident to approach and say a simple ‘Hi!’ you have a positive reference point (being your first successful experience) to draw on.
Once the positive feedback loop begins you better keep moving as it gets better and better. Don’t allow yourself to become stagnant.
Do you have any other tips or techniques to increase your confidence?
If you enjoyed this post and would like a plethora of additional proven methods to boost your confidence (with studies etc.!) I recommend you check out my friend David De La Morenas’ latest book ‘Confidence Hacks’. It’s in the top 3,000 best selling books on Amazon for a reason. I’ll have my full review up on it soon but in the meantime you can check it out here.