Patrick Bateman’s ‘American Psycho’ Morning Routine
“I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman.
I’m 27 years old.
I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine.
In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now.
After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion.
In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser.
Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub.
Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.
I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older.
Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.” – Patrick Bateman
Set Yourself Up For A Successful Day The Moment You Wake Up
Your morning routine (and whether you have one or not) is without a doubt the most important factor in determining how successful your day is going to be.
On the odd day I miss my alarm or for one reason or another don’t run through my morning routine my days are never particularly productive, I’m not in the right mindset.
By having a solid morning regime you’ll find yourself more productive, mentally sharp and in better physical health.
While most people are rolling out of bed trying to figure out what day it is you’re already speeding out of the gates like a race horse.
Day by day you’ll solidify your lead.
In the classic movie American Psycho, Christian Bale playing ‘Patrick Bateman’ introduces us to his intricate satirical morning routine, here’s my morning routine inspired by American Psycho that’ll have you improving your life and building positive momentum every single morning.
My ‘American Psycho’ Inspired Morning Routine
Step 1 – Wake Up At 4:30am
I get a head-start on the 5am crew.
My Phillips Hue lighting is set to automatically begin to illuminate my bedroom and office with a natural glow to replicate the rising of the sun – this allows me to wake up far more calm and relaxed than when I used to resort to using the default iPhone alarm to shock me out of my sleep at 7:30am several years ago…
I’m awake and ready to commence my routine while the 99% will still remain fast asleep for several hours to come.
Step 2 – Cold Shower
I turn the faucet in my shower as far to the right hand side as it will go, I immerse my body in the freezing cold water that gushes out… my body wants to jump and sporadically move due to the shock of the cold water, but being the master of my own mind I overwrite this default action and tell myself to relax, breathe deeply and enjoy the rush of energy that the ice-like water provides.
I spend 6 minutes enjoying my cold shower, allowing the water to run over my shoulders and down my back while I clear my mind.
Check out the immense benefits I reap from cold showers here.
Step 3 – Wash With Black Nubian
While enjoying my cold shower I wash myself from head to toe with black nubian soap, the best soap I’ve ever seen..
After trying this soap you will NEVER go back to using regular white soap.
“Heritage African Black Soap, made from palm ash, tamarind extract, tar and plantain peel has been used in Africa for centuries to treat eczema, acne, oily skin, psoriasis, and other skin ailments.”
Check out the ingredients list to get an idea of what you’ll be blessing your body with…
African Black Soap (Base), Coconut Oil, Palm Oil, Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter), Avena Sativa (Oat) Kernel Meal, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Plantain Extract, Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Vegetable Glycerin, Mineral Pigment, Vegetable Color, Essential Oil Blend
Step 4 – Coconut Oil
After washing myself with Black Nubian and exiting the shower I put Extra Virgin Organic Coconut Oil over my face and neck.
Extra Virgin Organic Coconut Oil has antibacterial and antiviral properties and is a fantastic moisturizer.
Step 5 – Drink Black Coffee While Reviewing My To-Do List
I prepare a double shot espresso and review the to-do list I created the evening previous, identifying the 3 – 5 biggest tasks I need to complete today to move forward towards my goals.
Caffeine has been the subject of many, many studies which all indicate it’s strong ability to increase focus, reaction time and performance – both in the board room and under the bench press.
Step 6 – Perform My Full Body Mobility Routine
Before I move onto my workout regime I prepare my body with my mobility routine, using only a resistance band and my MobilityWOD SuperNova.
I spend 5 minutes using my SuperNova to roll and release any pressure from my back, shoulders, ITB, quads, hamstrings and calves.
After 5 minutes with the SuperNova I perform 4 sets of 10 repetitions of the shoulder dislocation using a resistance band.
Once my upper body (specifially rotator cuffs) have been warmed up with my resistance band I focus on holding a deep squat position while focusing on loosening my hip flexors and working on my ankle dorsiflexion which benefits me greatly when I proceed to perform squats, box jumps, sprints and any lower body movements in my upcoming workout.