That shift from childhood to the teenage years can feel like it happens overnight. The child who once grabbed your hand at the drop of a hat might now pull away, lost in their phone or focused on their friends. This pull towards independence is a completely natural part of growing up, but it can leave parents and carers feeling a little left behind and wondering how on earth to keep that close relationship alive. But this phase isn’t about losing them. It’s a chance to reshape your connection into something new, an adult-to-adult bond built on a different kind of trust.
Show a Real Interest in Their World
One of the best things you can do is show some real curiosity about the things your teenager loves. This isn’t about you suddenly becoming an expert on their favourite TikTok star or video game. It’s more about making the effort to understand what they get out of it. It’s about asking good questions that can’t be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Try asking, “What’s the best thing about that game?” or “Tell me about that new series you’re watching.” When you do this, you’re showing you respect their world, and that makes them feel properly seen as the person they’re becoming.
Get Good at Just Listening
When a teen finally does open up, they’re usually not looking for you to fix their problem. They just want someone to listen. It’s so tempting to jump in with advice or a story about ‘back in my day’, but holding back can make all the difference. Try to practise proper listening. That means putting your own phone away, looking at them, and giving them your undivided attention. You’ll find the best chats often happen when you’re busy with something else, like driving them to a friend’s house or cooking dinner together. The lack of direct eye contact can make it easier for them to talk. A simple, “That sounds really tough,” shows you’re in their corner, even if you don’t agree with their choices.
Hold Your Boundaries with Kindness
Boundaries aren’t about being controlling. They’re a quiet way of showing you care and of giving your teen a solid sense of security. For a teen fostered with Fostering People, who may have experienced a lot of unpredictability, these consistent and predictable boundaries can be the very foundation upon which trust is built. Teenagers are meant to push against the rules, but they still need to know the rules are there. The trick is to be clear about them, but with warmth. Talk about the ‘why’ behind a rule. If it’s about their safety or just being considerate to others in the house, explain that. It’s much better than just saying, “Because I said so.” If you can, get them involved in the discussion. Agreeing on a weekend curfew together, for instance, gives them a stake in the outcome and shows you respect their growing maturity.
Staying close during the teenage years is all about adapting. By showing a real interest in their life, listening more than you lecture, and setting fair boundaries with kindness, you’re building a relationship based on mutual trust. Your relationship will certainly look different, but it can come out the other side stronger and deeper, setting you both up for a great adult connection in the years to come.